Haiku Ball

Red Sox, Rays 10.11.08

2008-10-12T22:23:00.006-05:00

1
   If the Sox win,
I'll wake my dad —
   otherwise I'll sleep.

2
   You got no place
in this lineup, Kotsay —
   Camel hard pack.

3
   Not far from Boston
I pull for the Red Sox —
   there's nothing wrong with me.

635

2008-09-10T20:12:00.001-05:00

Shannon or Hughes
I don't know —
Monsanto Ron Santo

Fine

2008-09-04T00:00:00.003-05:00

I ripped
myself in two last night —
Cardinals out of this thing

Baseball Haiku 11-15

2008-08-29T11:59:00.001-05:00

11
Whatever he does,
he can’t walk him here —
oh, God, he hit him…

12
Ray and I
call him Joe Table —
José Mesa.

13
Who cares how much
money he makes—
All-Star shortstop.

14
No need to
finish the inning—
walk-off homer.

15
“On the run, on the run:
he can’t get it—!”
Batter waved on toward home…

In a Can

2008-08-24T16:11:00.002-05:00

Albert digs in —
do you hear
the ice cream man?

Sunday

2008-08-23T19:11:00.002-05:00

Baseball
all day long —
interspersed with rain.

Baseball Haiku 6-10

2008-08-22T17:57:00.001-05:00

6
I’d take out a loan
to get at those nachos —
yes to jalapeños.

7
Out-of-town scoreboard
illuminates the moon —
pennant race deepens.

8
Only one of these teams
will see October —
nighthawks catch flies under lights.

9
Oh, why couldn’t we
have scored some runs earlier —
closer warming.

10
Father and son speechless
at a game in June.
Pitcher comes up lame again.

Monday Night Baseball

2008-08-19T13:58:00.003-05:00

1
Steve Phillips
     has come a long way —
C.C. at one twenty-six.

2
Desperate for a game,
     I cheer the Astros
late at Miller.

3
Everything's gone final —
     might as well
go to bed.

Baseball Haiku 1-5

2008-08-18T19:36:00.000-05:00

1
Complete games
aren’t what they used to be—
bullpens exploding.

2
Pitcher wipes his brow,
sun peaks out from clouds—
there goes the runner!

3
It’s lonely on the bench
when you’re pitching well—
no-hitter brewing.

4
Ash tree gave its life
for a thousand home runs—
Hall of Fame material.

5
It’s past my bedtime
but I’ll listen all night—
extra innings.

Player-manager

2008-08-13T10:44:00.004-05:00

1
Player-manager
   doesn't need a sign
to steal second.

2
Player-manager
   chides himself
for swinging on 3-0.

3
Called strike three —
   if only player-manager
could argue balls and strikes.

Cub/Card Haiku

2008-08-08T14:36:00.005-05:00

1
Now this game's
starting to feel like
Cubs vs Cards.

(after Hughes)

2
Even though I'm home alone,
the sound of the game
in every room.

3
Izturis breaks for home
but Looper misses the pitch.
Suicide indeed.

Who's this Guy?

2008-07-31T21:22:00.002-05:00

She says Stavinoha
looks like a cross between
Miles and Suppan.

Revelation

2008-07-30T22:09:00.002-05:00

Cub fans swarm Miller
like first-place locusts —
this is the Apocalypse.

Nervous Laughter

2008-07-29T21:28:00.002-05:00

Pat and Ron
joking about Jimmy Gobble —
close game in Phoenix.

Untitled

2008-07-28T13:50:00.006-05:00

by Dustin Block

The roof is open-
The Sausages are ready-
Bring on the Cubbies

More Brew Crew haiku here.

See C.C.

2008-07-23T23:19:00.002-05:00

On Sabathia's back
the Brew Crew climbs the Central —
where are the Cards?

Cards at Tigers, 6/25/08

2008-06-28T16:53:00.001-05:00

Rain-delay bonus —
a late game.

"He lives out there!"

2008-06-27T09:51:00.003-05:00

Pudge's junk mail
scattered all around
the Tiger mound.

Dorothy Baseball

2008-06-26T16:47:00.002-05:00

To get it clear I
fight the storms of Illinois —
ruby batting gloves.

Cubs win! Cubs win!

2008-06-13T16:50:00.003-05:00

        That's a negatory

   that's a negatory, but —

          it's not as crazy

                 as that

      crazy contract

                 Kerry Wood

  signed

                   with the Cubs.

West Coast Swing

2008-06-03T22:03:00.001-05:00

Late game
means a couple extra
Old Crowe.

Trigger Dream

2008-06-02T21:53:00.001-05:00

Unusually high number
of fantasy moves —
I compete.

Curve

2008-05-30T16:41:00.004-05:00

Struggling against stitches,
sixty feet of summer air
pull the string.

720 WGN

2008-05-30T16:35:00.002-05:00

Pat kicks it to Ron
for a game summary —
Ron just laughs.

Reds

2008-05-26T18:02:00.002-05:00

Cincinnati
must've been one of those
crappy-hitting Indians.

Kevin Brown's new contract

2008-05-15T16:16:00.000-05:00

American-style light lager.

World's best lager

Slurp one

Just for me

Ozzie plan.

A good way to start the fourth inning.

Who's the guy who gets his poems

by blacking out words

in the newspaper?

Hello, impatientist me.

Let's go to Mexico let's get bladder infections.

Let's eat nachos

and piss in the sea.

You dropped the third strike,

I'm running.

Bad relief

2008-05-13T16:12:00.001-05:00

Pitching coach
running out
from the dugout.

Hall of fame?

2008-05-08T22:48:00.001-05:00

Gaylord Perry
never played for them —
the Rockies.

Scotch & Baseball

2008-05-06T14:45:00.001-05:00

1
Fantasy troubles.
But I've got scotch
and a ballgame.

2
Extras mean
another scotch.
So what?

KOA delay

2008-05-05T21:07:00.001-05:00

Rockies from Denver.
I hear things
one pitch late.

Reyes

2008-05-04T17:47:00.002-05:00

Pitcher doing
two things
at once.

3-3

2008-05-04T17:45:00.002-05:00

Now this game's
starting to feel like
Cubs vs Cards.

(after Hughes)

The Jones Bros.

2008-05-04T17:02:00.001-05:00

Not Pierre
but Jones the spare
outfielder.

Gum

2008-05-02T21:12:00.003-05:00

There's a Trammell
in the Cub dugout —
Alan or Bubba?

I knew I should've brought that poncho

2008-05-02T16:05:00.001-05:00

Rain delay
means I'm drunk
at the end of this one.

Called strike two

2008-04-30T17:23:00.001-05:00

Gagne native Canada
looks back Soto —
Ward is due.

Jake and Chris

2008-04-29T09:56:00.002-05:00

Oh how Jones
longs for his
brother.

Headphones

2008-04-29T08:28:00.001-05:00

Crawling into bed,
a single up the middle —
no-hitter lost.

The wife's gone to bed

2008-04-28T07:55:00.002-05:00

850
comes in clear —
time for another.

Chin music

2008-04-27T10:03:00.008-05:00

1
Rockies' bus moved —
Danley
out at home.

2
Ambulance on the field.
Someone in scrubs
from the stands?

3
Kind of ghoulish —
fans taking photos
of this scene.

(after Kingery)

Comptroller of the Currency

2008-04-26T07:36:00.001-05:00

Outrageous salary —
that's a lot
of eight-dollar beers.

Blowing over?

2008-04-25T07:13:00.001-05:00

Corpas coughs up
Cub win
number 10,000.

Wedge issue

2008-04-24T11:24:00.001-05:00

Huber from Melbourne.
Votto from Toronto.
Is this amnesty?

Steal This

2008-04-23T21:13:00.001-05:00

Bochy flashes
something he just
made up.

Free Ticket

2008-04-21T19:37:00.001-05:00

At the park
you're the first
to know.

Soupy Campbell and ... ?

2008-04-19T11:56:00.001-05:00

Missing Sunday night —
What: Schulman's too busy
with the NBA?

Double Dealing

2008-04-18T09:32:00.001-05:00

Francis's sixth K
is of Peavy
who has seven.

Where's Morgan Ensberg?

2008-04-17T11:53:00.002-05:00

Sad Posada
can't even throw down —
another Sox steal.

Travis or John

2008-04-15T17:16:00.003-05:00

Buck strikes out looking awful.

It's Still Early

2008-04-14T17:13:00.001-05:00

Three hits
in 11 at-bats
is a .273

Scully

2008-04-13T15:01:00.002-05:00

The soundtrack of summer,
the one-man booth —
Vin is better with age.

Leaning

2008-04-12T17:45:00.003-05:00

Young Bocock
never saw a move like Beimel's
until he saw it.

Dodgers/ Giants April 2

2008-04-10T22:39:00.004-05:00

1 (by Ray Wisdom Jr.)

Radar cells active
The grounds crew brings out the tarp
Delayed in L.A.

2

After a
rain-delay edition of the news —
the first pitch.

3

Again at 95,
Lincecum didn't stiffen
in the rain.

Line Up

2008-04-09T12:43:00.002-05:00

by Ray Wisdom Jr.

Barton Dunc Pujols
Ankiel Glaus Yadi Ryan
Pitcher Kennedy

Cold Stove

2008-04-04T17:22:00.000-06:00

I forgot how much fun it is
just looking
at box scores.

Porch

2008-03-28T16:29:00.002-06:00

Nick the Stick
in the city of Tricky Dick —
it's a new ballpark, baby!

Season Opener

2008-03-23T09:06:00.002-06:00

For baseball from Japan,
I open up a coffee can —
the season brews anew.

Untitled

2008-03-19T09:01:00.000-06:00

Scores or words
I can't tell —
This is baseball season.

Hoffmans

2008-03-05T20:31:00.001-06:00

I had no idea
that Glenn and Trevor
were brothers.

Koufax and Co.

2008-03-03T16:32:00.001-06:00

Batter knows what's coming.
But still he offers
At something in the dirt.

Legerdemain

2008-03-01T13:28:00.001-06:00

Magic pitcher throws
Not a ball but the unhittable
Spinning white flower.

Moving up the Coast

2008-02-26T22:37:00.001-06:00

En route to the playoffs,
Padres come back on the Giants —
What's Bochy thinking?

Shifty

2008-02-22T10:34:00.001-06:00

The shift doesn't matter
When the batter
Does yardwork.

Untitled

2008-02-17T20:55:00.002-06:00

Low and away has been a strike all night.

Windy One

2008-02-04T08:25:00.000-06:00

One hundred and ten Ks
For a platoon player?
Call that Typhoon Right-handed.

County Stadium

2008-01-27T21:17:00.001-06:00

Sausages scamper,
No light beer here —
Bernie the Brewer.

After a double play

2008-01-22T14:03:00.002-06:00

Two outs and the
Bases are empty now
Here in the fifth.

The Left Arrow

2008-01-16T11:39:00.000-06:00

Omar Moreno
Career leaders — caught stealing
Otis Nixon
Career leaders — stolen bases
Rickey Henderson
Lou Brock
Career leaders — doubles
John Olerud
1999 NY Mets
1999 NL statistics
Chipper Jones
Scott Rolen
Search for player
Troy Glaus
Baseball-reference.com
Election guide 2008

Fourteenth Inning

2008-01-12T15:49:00.001-06:00

It's so late
The announcers don't care
If they talk over themselves.

Seriously

2008-01-11T10:00:00.001-06:00

She can't choose
Between the Yanks and the Cubs? —
Hillary R.C.

Twenty-eight down

2007-10-27T17:31:00.001-05:00

This Sunday the Cards
Will be nowhere to be found —
Guess I'll do some raking.

Old Friends

2007-10-25T20:33:00.001-05:00

Hey that reminds me
Of my old pitching coach,
Bob Apodaca

Strike Fifteen

2007-10-24T18:41:00.001-05:00

Aristocracy
At a ballgame is the ump
Calling only strikes.

Mantra

2007-10-16T08:13:00.001-05:00

Anybody anytime?
How about a guy named Smith
In Rocktober?

Three Points

2007-10-15T21:35:00.002-05:00

Still it was rising
By the time it had landed —
Restless field goal.

No Time For Arizona

2007-10-15T21:32:00.002-05:00

Bases loaded
And who's coming up?
Stephen Drew?

Automatic Double Play

2007-10-12T16:11:00.002-05:00

This is not a pretty sight
At Chase Field —
Larry Vanover.

Arizona Fans

2007-10-12T16:10:00.001-05:00

Behind the announcers,
The crowd
Is cursing.

The Jones Brothers

2007-10-12T16:08:00.001-05:00

Quick name the brothers
Whose teams
Are still in it.

Byrnesie

2007-10-11T17:56:00.001-05:00

Eric Byrnes— whoo! —
That's a good
John Houseman name.

Short LDS

2007-10-09T08:52:00.001-05:00

All is quiet
On this boring Tuesday
Before the LCS.

MNF

2007-10-08T23:07:00.001-05:00

On this Monday
I get baseball and football.
Hello, October.

Signals

2007-10-07T11:21:00.001-05:00

I'll show you
How October goes —
White-out on my fingers.

Red Sock Trio

2007-10-06T21:08:00.002-05:00

1
"Don't hold the ball,"
Dad said.
"You're no Johnny Pesky."

2
A misnomer,
Papelbon's "sludder" is not
An easy pitch to hit.

3
Soupy says,
"Bum rap on Pesky:
Slow relay, fast Slaughter."

Extras

2007-10-05T10:58:00.001-05:00

Wife and dog passed out
But I urge them to awake —
For extra innings.

Full Count

2007-10-04T16:24:00.001-05:00

Every pitch
Seems to end an at-bat.
Must be October.

Go Cubs Go

2007-10-03T15:28:00.000-05:00

Rockies/Padres Wildcard Playoff

2007-10-03T07:35:00.001-05:00

If you've caught your breath,
Take it away —
Thirteenth inning.

Bad Luck

2007-10-03T07:33:00.000-05:00

31 first downs.
Punter knocked down on sidelines
By flying helmet.

Rockies Win!

2007-10-01T23:46:00.001-05:00

I need another drink,
That's the truth of it —
Playoffs looming.

Playoff Playoff

2007-10-01T19:41:00.001-05:00

For those Rockies and Pads
Who played all games all year
Tonight is one sixty-three.

Lefty

2007-09-28T18:55:00.001-05:00

Walk by walk,
Fuentes playing with fire
In Los Angeles.

Braun for ROY?

2007-09-27T21:14:00.002-05:00

Too low, too low!
I'd say that one was too high —
If you know what I mean.

850 KOA

2007-09-26T19:32:00.004-05:00

Insanely fond
Of catching AM from Denver
At night in St. Louis.

Rockies v. Dodgers

2007-09-26T19:06:00.002-05:00

Announcer can't help
But call Andy LaRoche
By his brother's name.

Fielder Takes an O

2007-09-25T10:06:00.001-05:00

You don't take a bow
In the first, Mr. Fielder.
Lots of outs still left.

Last night, Prince Fielder hit a mammoth three-run homer in the first off of Cardinals ace Adam Wainwright. It was Fielder's 48th. The crowd responded with a standing ovation and, ostensibly, a bow. Fielder took the bow. Yes, Fielder is a legitimate MVP candidate, but seriously. The Brew Crew is coming off of a disastrous 1 win out of 4 series in Atlanta. And, it's only the first inning (with Dave Bush on the mound for the Crew). Standing Ovations have gotten out of control all across the league.

Illegal Procedure

2007-09-24T16:56:00.001-05:00

Flag Sunday
For going by too fast
Yet again.

Schottenheimer

2007-09-24T16:40:00.000-05:00

Maybe Marty
wasn't so bad—
Chargers at 1-2.